True Stories: A Duck among Swans

This is the true story of a friend of mine who would like to remain anonymous. She has a few things to say about her experiences with bullying in public schools. (Note: this story isn't about me. Unlike I, who am homeschooled, my friend goes to public school and has been gracious enough to allow me to quote her on my blog since her story is relevant to its subject matter.)

"Everyone is bullied at some point in their lives, whether it be verbal or physical. Even the bullies are and will be bullied. The strange thing is, there’s never a valid reason.

Now you may be thinking 'I wear glasses, that’s a good reason' (I thought that at one point) or something along those lines. Well, let me tell you, it's not! Just because you're different does not give them all inclusive rights to pound you to the ground.

Some people say the best thing to do is to ignore it, to let it roll off your back. I personally think that’s a good idea, but doesn't always work. (If it does work, by all means, use it!)

I've been bullied before in some pretty strange ways. Never actually slapped, more… ignored. The worst kind of bullying. Talking to someone and the only thing they say is “Go away” or not say anything at all. It can hurt a lot more than you think. I was new to school one year, I had been home-schooled up to that year. I had got a wonderful education, sometimes above grade level- but the thing I didn't learn was how to interact with different varieties of people and what they were into. (I’m actually kind of glad. It allowed me to grow up uninfluenced by different cultural poisons [like Barbies],) So… when I went to public school I was considered 'different' just because I didn't like mainstream music and style. (I’ll admit, there were two or three people that did become my friend.)

People were never physically abusive to me, they just wouldn't hang out with me and or, sometimes they wouldn't even talk to me. There was this one girl who would always hang out with me but she would always try to overshadow me or try to make me feel less than. I could never figure out why.

Now that all of that is over and I have a small group of good friends I still feel as though I don't fit in, almost like a duck in a group of swans.

What I've taken away from all of this is just be yourself. Those who like you for who you are, are worth your time and friendship.  Like Tom Hiddleston says, 'Never stop. Never stop fighting. Never stop dreaming. And don't be afraid of wearing your heart on your sleeve - in declaring the films that you love, the films that you want, to make, the life that you've had, and the lives you can help reflect in cinema. For myself, for a long time... Maybe I felt inauthentic or something, I felt like my voice wasn't worth hearing, and I think everyone's voice is worth hearing. So if you've got something to say, say it from the rooftops.'"

 -- T. F.

Thanks for reading, and please spread the word about the World Improvement Project.
Yours, Lily Fox

New Year's Day, Resolutions, and Not being a Government Official

          New Year's is fast approaching, so I thought I'd make a little special post about something that interests me- New Year's resolutions. 

          We all know that feeling at midnight of "THIS IS MY RESOLUTION AND I'M SO TOTALLY PSYCHED THAT I WILL ABSOLUTELY CARRY THROUGH WITH IT", but then we actually rarely do carry out our plans. It's always fun to say, "I'm going to apply for and get that prestigious job with a huge salary!", but unless you're extraordinarily ambitious and full of self-discipline, I don't know if that will really happen. So let's try to find a resolution that we're still motivated to carry out, but isn't quite so... Out there. And remember, the more World Improving it is, the better!

1.           Write down three things that bother you about the world around you. These can range from "my room is really messy" to "my local homeless shelter may have to foreclose" to "terrorist attacks are ruining people's lives". No matter how small or how big the issues, write them down- just make sure it's something that's really important to you, not somebody else. 
2.          Under each issue, write down three things that you could do to improve it. They don't have to be insane, like "become a government official and reinvent my country's approach to (insert cause here)." Something like "donate $10 a month to the Red Cross" works too. 
3.          Look over the three things under each issue, and cross out the easiest and the most difficult. You'll be left with one medium-difficulty resolution for three important issues. This way, you can actually make a difference, without setting yourself up for failure. 

     TIP: Don't make any of your resolutions about something that makes you feel bad about yourself. "Be more popular," or "lose weight" are not only very vague, but won't help you feel good about who you are and only contribute to the Barbie/G.I. Joe stereotypes. Alternate goals could be, "make friends in my new theatre club" or "take a Pilates class at the YMCA so I can be more healthy and active". 

          I'll be sure to update you guys on New Year's with my resolution, meanwhile, have a very happy and World-Improving rest of 2013! 

Selling your Soul: a Bad Tactic for Making Friends

          Sometimes the right path is lonely. The road less traveled always is. It can take a lot of strength to keep doing what you feel inside is right, especially if you feel like you're in the struggle along. It hurts when you're wondering if you've made a wrong turn and there's no one by your side, I know. There have been days when I've thought I would sell my soul if only I could have a friend, and many people do just that- well, close enough, anyway.

          I've known so many people who felt so alone that in the search for someone who would accept theme, they'd lost themselves, trying too hard to be somebody they thought could be accepted. Sure, sometimes we absolutely have to hide a tiny bit of our light so we can do something for ourselves or someone we care about that will be totally, completely worth it, but remember: pretending to be someone you're not will never gain you any true friends. Maybe changing yourself will get you temporary compliance, but that person isn't agreeing with you, they're agreeing with a mask- and on top of that, it's also manipulation, which isn't a great habit to get into either. Every time you censor yourself, you're telling a little lie: not just to others, but to yourself as well. No wonder it's so easy to lose track of who you really are in this world of pretenders.

          Of course, some of you already know this. Some of you are probably thinking something along the lines of, “but I don't act like a fraud! I just try to be strong and brave! It's just that no one seems drawn to my strength and bravery.” Strength and bravery are great things, and it's awesome if you strive to have them. If those two qualities alone don't seem to be getting too many allies, though, that may be because your situation is lacking in a certain third ingredient.

          Let me be clear- there is no “secret trick” to winning real friends. Making connections might be harder for you if you're an introvert, or maybe you just haven't met the right people yet. It's true, sometimes it really is necessary to “wait until the right time.” However, I've made an observation that I think you guys should know. In my opinion, there's a third quality that seems to hasten that spark between people: passion.

          It doesn't have to be for the exact same thing, so don't try to force it so that a specific kind of person will like you- that's just telling another lie and entirely defeats the purpose. People's true selves and the things they are most passionate about always overlap more than a little, and one often represents a part of the other quite nicely. Pursuing things you are truly passionate about often shows your true self very well, and it might draw just the right people towards you.

Don't just follow your dreams, chase them and stalk them through the dense jungle until you can pounce on them in one flying leap. Don't just plan your goals, fight for them with your last dying breath. As long as you stay open to and accepting of all different kinds of people, you might just find a best friend or true love along the way.

          In short, I believe that finding real friends isn't just about “being yourself”. It's about doing what you love for reasons that are near to your heart.

Why Medicine is Bad in General: Surviving Bullying

NO MORE MEDICINE

          If someone bullies you it’s usually because they’re trying to change you in some way: from making you more like them to just making you miserable. If you let yourself be negatively impacted like this, you let the pain win and are essentially giving up, which is never fun. But some of the common ways of fighting back against bullying aren’t very good ideas. Here are some of the dos and don’ts of fighting the battle against bullying. 

DON’T:

• Give them a taste of their own medicine. What’s in that medicine, anyway? Put-downs, harassment, abuse, and lots of hurt. That’s not good medicine. You didn’t like that medicine, so why put anyone else through it? Even if the bullying was really, really awful, don’t use the bullies’/bully’s methods against them. Bullies have a lot of issues, and unless you want to end up with some of those issues yourself, don’t try to be like that bully. If what the bully did was bad enough to land them in court or some other bad trouble, you’re going to end up there right next to them. 

• “Just ignore it. They’ll get bored and stop.” Sadly, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes bullies do just hurt someone for fun, but a lot of them bully because of other reasons: discrimination, a grudge, for social advantage, or complex emotional baggage. In cases like these, “just ignore it” isn’t your best option. 
• Figure out some complicated and clever revenge. Yes, I know this works in the movies, but in real life it will land you in deep trouble. First of all, the “complicated and clever” bit comes with an unsaid “difficult”, which means that your plan could fail and get you into a lot of trouble. Second, even if you do succeed in exacting some revenge, this could backfire seriously. You might do something you really regret. 

DO:

• Report the bully to someone you trust who has the authority and/or resources to help you, whether that’s a parent, teacher, or boss. And remember- if the bully is openly harassing you and has demanded that you don’t tell anyone, tell someone. When has the bully ever told you to do something that was good for you?

• Seek strength in your friends and allies. When you’re facing trouble, it’s always better to face it with someone by your side to lean on. Don’t just keep your problem to yourself, ask your friends to support you while you figure out how to solve it. If your friends join in on the teasing, say that they didn’t want to know that, or tell you that they can’t or won’t help… Well, they aren’t the best friends they could be, are they? 

• Ignore what the bully tries to make you think. Maybe it’s a cliquey group that teases you about how you look or act, or a thug who beats you up every time you walk past their building, a coworker who’s always belittling your work, or a relative who constantly criticizes how you were raised. No matter who they are or what they’re doing, if they’re bullying you, their goal is to make you feel awful. Don’t give them that goal. You can still fight back, but not with violence or insults. Either remain calm and talk your way out of the issue, defiantly state your disagreement with their negative actions or words, or stay light by countering with some humor- whichever is your strong suit. Your confidence will catch them off guard, they expect you to be scared and miserable. Once you deal with the situation, look into getting help.

          Thanks for reading, guys; I hope this helps any of you who are getting a hard time. These tips, especially the last one, have always been what’s helped me when I’m in a tough place.

The Media is a Barbie Ad

Think about the typical commercial on TV, whether it’s for makeup or cooking utensils- who are portrayed as the beautiful, dauntless damsels? Most likely, they’re tall, white, skinny, thick-lashed, full-lipped, nearly symmetrical, and quite often blonde. To me, that sounds like a Barbie doll. How about a sports equipment ad or an action movie? The leading men all seem very similar. They’re strong, tan, muscular, dashing, buff, surrounded by scantily clad Barbies, and did I mention that they’re pretty ripped? It looks like G.I. Joe and his buddies made it to the party.

Why this is a Bad Thing

Every girl and every guy is expected to fit these narrow standards of femininity and masculinity, people who don’t are considered lesser, and the world will continue to run smoothly- that’s how our society works. However, very few people do fit these stereotypes. There are other ethnicities than Caucasian. There are other body types than stick-thin (with a large bust, of course) and extremely muscular. Not everybody plays football, or likes boybands, is a fashionista, a corporate king, has a face like a goddess, or works out every day. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these things individually, but the way our society portrays it, you have to have all the “right qualities” and more to be happy and successful. The message is everywhere- TV, ads, song lyrics, movies, commercials, even the descriptions in books- sometimes subtle, sometimes blaringly loud. Nearly everyone has been bombarded with images of false perfection and wondered, “Am I normal?”

No. You are not normal. But I’ll tell you a secret- no one really is. And if they were, the world would be so, incredibly, boring. We’re told that we all have to be Barbies and Joes. The truth is, though, the real world is frankly much more interesting than the Barbie Dream House our society tells us is ideal. It’s full of different cultures, different personalities, different passions, different people. Instead of identical, plastic Barbies and G.I. Joes, it’s populated by entirely unique people, each one full of different components that make them interesting. Still, the media and businesses push that “perfect” image of those fake dolls so hard, that not only do people believe that they have to fit these societal standards, but many of them expect the same of others. Too many people don’t realize that being different is as much a part of us as having hearts that beat. You can’t punch the different out of someone; you can’t bully it out of them. Still, people will scorn and hit and laugh and wear at someone until they’re tired and broken and scared: too scared to show what’s inside. Sometimes they hit so hard -with words, actions, or fists- that we fashion ourselves into a thing like them and let our different go. What’s inside will always be there, but some people bury it so deep that no one will ever see it again. We all change naturally over time, some people change us, and that’s okay, but some people damage us. That isn’t. Some things hurt us, some people hurt us, but if we let them make us compromise our real selves, we let the pain win.

Alternatives to Hate

Changing ourselves to stop the hate might seem like a logical course of action, but what if someone accepted you for who you really are? What if we could be different, proud of it, and accepting of people who are different than us? Wouldn’t that give us the strength to survive hate and challenges, and take action against it? Sometimes it is easier to give up, when other people are too ignorant or hurt to do anything but hurt us; but just like there’s rejection in the world, there are people who will reach out to you. Sometimes you need to find people like this. Sometimes you need to be them: someone who proudly wears their own brand of different and accepts others for theirs, someone who knows that even though we’re all different, we’re all equal.

It’s easier to stay with the crowd and march along with everyone else, but you’re so trapped that if you ever take a step in your own direction, you’re trampled by everyone going against you. It’s better to break away from the horde, find your own path, and stretch out a helping hand to that other person you see pushed to the ground. Being your authentic self is hard sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be lonely; if you reach out to others, some of them are bound to take your hand. Even the worst of challenges seem easier when there is someone by your side who accepts and supports the real you, instead of just the mask you put on. Just keep on being the best version of yourself that you can be and be accepting of others. We don’t live in the “perfect” Barbie Dream House that the media tells us we should. There’s too much weird, exciting, dangerous, awesome world out there for there to be room for that. Tackle it head-on, and chances are, you’ll find a place you love where you really belong. And the best part? The Dream House isn’t real. The crazy, awesome world is.

What you can Actually Do About it and Why you Should Try

Some people will read this and laugh, or shake their heads, or just ignore the words completely. Maybe they think these words are stupid, but why is conformation and bullying less stupid? According to cdc.gov, “for youth between the ages of 10 and 24, suicide is the third leading cause of death. It results in approximately 6400 lives lost each year.” That many teens and young adults alone were miserable enough to end their own lives. Do you want to a) contribute to that number, b) do nothing, or c) help people, the world at large, and yourself? Maybe option c seems impossible in your situation, but here are some simple things anyone can do. (Unless you’re a hermit, in which case, enjoy your solitary lifestyle.)

1. Spend one day where you promise to be only your honest self, without trying to be like a Barbie or a G.I. Joe. It might be tricky, but it’s worth a try.
2. Have a conversation with someone outside your usual social circle. If you can, try meeting/introducing yourself to someone very different from you. It might broaden your horizons, and theirs.
3. No-bullying day: for one day, pledge not to tease, hit, or bully in any way someone because they’re different or because you disagree with them. Kids, teens, and adults can all hurt people, whether bullying or not. Spending a day focused on empathy will help prevent that. Also, if you’re being bullied, don’t just ignore it- reach out, stay strong, and remember not to fight fire with fire.
4. Try something you’ve never done before. Anything that broadens your horizons of the world works: you can visit a new place, try an exotic food, start a new sport or hobby, anything. Treat yourself to a change and experience more of the world.

If you can do these things all of the time, that’s great, but every bit helps. Really. Even if it seems impossible or pointless, even a little change helps. So why not give it a shot and break away from the Barbie/Joe worshipping culture? Why not accept that no people are the same? Why not see the world for the crazy, epic thing it can really be? The right thing is never the easy thing, but it’s the most rewarding in the end. The person we really are is never the “perfect” doll that society tells us we should be. The media may push the ideal life as a Dream House full of plastic dolls with tiny, superficial, “perfect” lives, your own life might feel dreary or miserable or lonely or boring, but it doesn’t have to be. You might have to take baby steps, but why let that stop you? Give it a shot.

-Lily Fox

A Short Introduction to the Project

          I’ve been writing about discrimination for as long as I can remember. I wrote a fictional story with themes on racism when I was six or seven. In fifth grade, I wrote a paper on lookism and how it negatively impacts so many people. I wrote a long article about religious discrimination and different wars caused by it that summer, but was too nervous about how people might react to show that one to anybody. Since the years of my juvenilia, I’ve learned a lot more about and written more about world issues, especially inequality, and it was only a matter of time before this led to an interest in activism. 
          Now, as a teen, my goal is to educate more people about different kinds of discrimination, provide and raise awareness about victims of prejudice worldwide, and show people different ways of making a positive impact on the world and breaking down social barriers. Discrimination, hate crime, poverty, and hundreds of other forms of inequality are serious issues and are very important to me. My hope is that someday, all people will be given equal opportunities- despite their backgrounds, genders, races, sexual orientations, religions (or lack thereof) and disabilities. 
          This blog is a wake-up call to the people of today. Hate crime and discrimination are real, and I want to end them. The articles will contain information about different common social issues, causes of inequality, and ways that anyone can take action against discrimination, hate crime, and other issues in their community. Readers are perfectly welcome to comment with ideas for articles, so please give me feedback!
           So please: sit back, relax, and let me tell you all about how to- and why you should- improve the world. 

-Lily Fox