The Murder of Kitty Genovese and Taking Risks

      In 1964 a pretty nasty incident occurred. Catherine Susan "Kitty" Genovese was walking from the dark alley where she had parked her car to her apartment, when a man attacked and stabbed her. She managed to escape after being seriously injured, stumbled away towards the apartment, was stopped from entering the building by a locked door, and was caught and once again stabbed by her attacker, and didn't survive the ordeal.
   

          The interesting thing about this tragedy is that in original reports, it was stated that many neighbors were aware of the attack, but strangely, none did anything about it. Although these reports were later proved inaccurate, it inspired a vast amount of psychological experiments that all came to the same conclusion: the more witnesses, the less likely each one is to help. This has been dubbed both "the bystander effect" and "Genovese Syndrome". But why is there a bystander effect? Why does more really equal less when it comes to seeking help? It's because everyone takes social cues from each other. 

          If a person falls down in the street, and you walk by, you might think to yourself, "Oh no! That person could be having a seizure or a heart attack or something. Maybe I should help them. But they could just have tripped over a shoelace or something, then it's not that important." You might look around and see if there's anyone else nearby. If there isn't anyone else, all responsibility falls on you and you're much more likely to think, "What if it is a seizure? I should check just in case." If there are lots of people though, not only does that diffuse responsibility, but you'll look for social cues from them. No one else seems worried, so you relax. The reason no one else is worried is because they're thinking the same thing and taking social cues from you. 

          The same thing goes for reaching out to other people. I know a lot of people who are scared of being open. Sometimes I'm scared of being open. But sometimes you've just got to be that person who breaks away and reaches out, because chances are, that other person is wanting to reach out to you, but taking social cues from your apparent apathy. Don't be afraid to try talking to someone, and if you're feeling doubtful, keep this Mark Twain quote in mind- “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than the things you did do." This also has been proven by psychological studies, so don't be afraid to try reaching out to people. If they reject your hand, their loss. If not... You just beat the Genovese Syndrome. 

New Year's Eve 2014: Resolutions and Cookies

          Happy New Year! 

          It's shortly after midnight where I am, and I am really psyched! Tonight's been great for me, probably my best New Year's Eve ever. Karaoke machine + closest ten friends + cookies = happy Lily. But How was your New Year? Please post in the comments!

          So I promised I would post with my resolutions, and here it is. 

          I have three resolutions. The things that I would like to affect are myself, those directly around me, and the world at large. 

1.           Myself- I want to promise myself that I will practice my yoga every day because it makes me feel happy and keeps me healthy, but I also that I will not let negative messages around me distort my positive image of my kickass, curvy, healthy body. No body dysmorphic disorder relapses! 
2.           The world around me- never insult anyone, or judge them. I want to make sure that I'm always kind with my words, but I want that kindness to be genuine, not just politeness. Judging people is also unfair when we never really know their stories. I only want to make (tactful) negative comments when they're intended to be helpful.
3.           The world at large- make at least five blog posts a week, no matter how small, and keep trying to spread the positive message of acceptance and self acceptance. 

          Enough about me, though, how was your New Year? Even if you don't have any resolutions, what are your plans for 2014? Please post in the comments! 

Selling your Soul: a Bad Tactic for Making Friends

          Sometimes the right path is lonely. The road less traveled always is. It can take a lot of strength to keep doing what you feel inside is right, especially if you feel like you're in the struggle along. It hurts when you're wondering if you've made a wrong turn and there's no one by your side, I know. There have been days when I've thought I would sell my soul if only I could have a friend, and many people do just that- well, close enough, anyway.

          I've known so many people who felt so alone that in the search for someone who would accept theme, they'd lost themselves, trying too hard to be somebody they thought could be accepted. Sure, sometimes we absolutely have to hide a tiny bit of our light so we can do something for ourselves or someone we care about that will be totally, completely worth it, but remember: pretending to be someone you're not will never gain you any true friends. Maybe changing yourself will get you temporary compliance, but that person isn't agreeing with you, they're agreeing with a mask- and on top of that, it's also manipulation, which isn't a great habit to get into either. Every time you censor yourself, you're telling a little lie: not just to others, but to yourself as well. No wonder it's so easy to lose track of who you really are in this world of pretenders.

          Of course, some of you already know this. Some of you are probably thinking something along the lines of, “but I don't act like a fraud! I just try to be strong and brave! It's just that no one seems drawn to my strength and bravery.” Strength and bravery are great things, and it's awesome if you strive to have them. If those two qualities alone don't seem to be getting too many allies, though, that may be because your situation is lacking in a certain third ingredient.

          Let me be clear- there is no “secret trick” to winning real friends. Making connections might be harder for you if you're an introvert, or maybe you just haven't met the right people yet. It's true, sometimes it really is necessary to “wait until the right time.” However, I've made an observation that I think you guys should know. In my opinion, there's a third quality that seems to hasten that spark between people: passion.

          It doesn't have to be for the exact same thing, so don't try to force it so that a specific kind of person will like you- that's just telling another lie and entirely defeats the purpose. People's true selves and the things they are most passionate about always overlap more than a little, and one often represents a part of the other quite nicely. Pursuing things you are truly passionate about often shows your true self very well, and it might draw just the right people towards you.

Don't just follow your dreams, chase them and stalk them through the dense jungle until you can pounce on them in one flying leap. Don't just plan your goals, fight for them with your last dying breath. As long as you stay open to and accepting of all different kinds of people, you might just find a best friend or true love along the way.

          In short, I believe that finding real friends isn't just about “being yourself”. It's about doing what you love for reasons that are near to your heart.