True Stories: A Duck among Swans

This is the true story of a friend of mine who would like to remain anonymous. She has a few things to say about her experiences with bullying in public schools. (Note: this story isn't about me. Unlike I, who am homeschooled, my friend goes to public school and has been gracious enough to allow me to quote her on my blog since her story is relevant to its subject matter.)

"Everyone is bullied at some point in their lives, whether it be verbal or physical. Even the bullies are and will be bullied. The strange thing is, there’s never a valid reason.

Now you may be thinking 'I wear glasses, that’s a good reason' (I thought that at one point) or something along those lines. Well, let me tell you, it's not! Just because you're different does not give them all inclusive rights to pound you to the ground.

Some people say the best thing to do is to ignore it, to let it roll off your back. I personally think that’s a good idea, but doesn't always work. (If it does work, by all means, use it!)

I've been bullied before in some pretty strange ways. Never actually slapped, more… ignored. The worst kind of bullying. Talking to someone and the only thing they say is “Go away” or not say anything at all. It can hurt a lot more than you think. I was new to school one year, I had been home-schooled up to that year. I had got a wonderful education, sometimes above grade level- but the thing I didn't learn was how to interact with different varieties of people and what they were into. (I’m actually kind of glad. It allowed me to grow up uninfluenced by different cultural poisons [like Barbies],) So… when I went to public school I was considered 'different' just because I didn't like mainstream music and style. (I’ll admit, there were two or three people that did become my friend.)

People were never physically abusive to me, they just wouldn't hang out with me and or, sometimes they wouldn't even talk to me. There was this one girl who would always hang out with me but she would always try to overshadow me or try to make me feel less than. I could never figure out why.

Now that all of that is over and I have a small group of good friends I still feel as though I don't fit in, almost like a duck in a group of swans.

What I've taken away from all of this is just be yourself. Those who like you for who you are, are worth your time and friendship.  Like Tom Hiddleston says, 'Never stop. Never stop fighting. Never stop dreaming. And don't be afraid of wearing your heart on your sleeve - in declaring the films that you love, the films that you want, to make, the life that you've had, and the lives you can help reflect in cinema. For myself, for a long time... Maybe I felt inauthentic or something, I felt like my voice wasn't worth hearing, and I think everyone's voice is worth hearing. So if you've got something to say, say it from the rooftops.'"

 -- T. F.

Thanks for reading, and please spread the word about the World Improvement Project.
Yours, Lily Fox

Why Medicine is Bad in General: Surviving Bullying

NO MORE MEDICINE

          If someone bullies you it’s usually because they’re trying to change you in some way: from making you more like them to just making you miserable. If you let yourself be negatively impacted like this, you let the pain win and are essentially giving up, which is never fun. But some of the common ways of fighting back against bullying aren’t very good ideas. Here are some of the dos and don’ts of fighting the battle against bullying. 

DON’T:

• Give them a taste of their own medicine. What’s in that medicine, anyway? Put-downs, harassment, abuse, and lots of hurt. That’s not good medicine. You didn’t like that medicine, so why put anyone else through it? Even if the bullying was really, really awful, don’t use the bullies’/bully’s methods against them. Bullies have a lot of issues, and unless you want to end up with some of those issues yourself, don’t try to be like that bully. If what the bully did was bad enough to land them in court or some other bad trouble, you’re going to end up there right next to them. 

• “Just ignore it. They’ll get bored and stop.” Sadly, this doesn’t always work. Sometimes bullies do just hurt someone for fun, but a lot of them bully because of other reasons: discrimination, a grudge, for social advantage, or complex emotional baggage. In cases like these, “just ignore it” isn’t your best option. 
• Figure out some complicated and clever revenge. Yes, I know this works in the movies, but in real life it will land you in deep trouble. First of all, the “complicated and clever” bit comes with an unsaid “difficult”, which means that your plan could fail and get you into a lot of trouble. Second, even if you do succeed in exacting some revenge, this could backfire seriously. You might do something you really regret. 

DO:

• Report the bully to someone you trust who has the authority and/or resources to help you, whether that’s a parent, teacher, or boss. And remember- if the bully is openly harassing you and has demanded that you don’t tell anyone, tell someone. When has the bully ever told you to do something that was good for you?

• Seek strength in your friends and allies. When you’re facing trouble, it’s always better to face it with someone by your side to lean on. Don’t just keep your problem to yourself, ask your friends to support you while you figure out how to solve it. If your friends join in on the teasing, say that they didn’t want to know that, or tell you that they can’t or won’t help… Well, they aren’t the best friends they could be, are they? 

• Ignore what the bully tries to make you think. Maybe it’s a cliquey group that teases you about how you look or act, or a thug who beats you up every time you walk past their building, a coworker who’s always belittling your work, or a relative who constantly criticizes how you were raised. No matter who they are or what they’re doing, if they’re bullying you, their goal is to make you feel awful. Don’t give them that goal. You can still fight back, but not with violence or insults. Either remain calm and talk your way out of the issue, defiantly state your disagreement with their negative actions or words, or stay light by countering with some humor- whichever is your strong suit. Your confidence will catch them off guard, they expect you to be scared and miserable. Once you deal with the situation, look into getting help.

          Thanks for reading, guys; I hope this helps any of you who are getting a hard time. These tips, especially the last one, have always been what’s helped me when I’m in a tough place.